James Harden Says He Bet Kevin Durrant Not To Brush His Hair Until He Won A Ring

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“I Wouldn’t shave and Kevin couldn’t brush his hair”

Said James Harden after Kevin Durrant’s long battle to a ring finally came to an end after defeating Lebron and the Cavs.  After Durrants 6th season in the NBA, a Bet with then teammate James Harden was made, Harden wouldn’t shave and he would not brush his hair until they won a NBA Championship.  Even tho the two split up they still held strong to their bet, fear the beard was created and Durrants nappy head.

“Do you know how it feels not to use a brush for 8 seasons”

Harden said Durrants decision to join the Warriors was not only to get a ring but to finally have the chance to brush his hair.  I know it sounds crazy but it’s the truth, if he brushed his hair without winning a championship he would have to buy me a Bugatti, and as cheap as he is i know that wasn’t going to happen.

Breaking News Cosby Found Not Guilty After Rape Accuser Revealed She’s Really A Man

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“I never saw her in a dress…..Look at that Neck strong”

Cosby’s Accuser had the court room in complete silence after standing and saying, Ok OK “I have a penis i am a man, so that would make Bill a…..  Before she could finish the Judge over seeing the court hearing screamed, you and your sick mind need to get out my court room.  Cosby sat motionless as his accuser was escorted out the court room screaming out.

“Fuk off me …..We ran trains on Hollywood bitches”Image result for cosby accuser switch story

Officer Eric Weld was in tears when he re-entered the court room,  it was said that cosby’s accuser told him that she’d fu*k a few in this court room if they let her… or is it a him?

 

Rapper Future To Blame After Dozens Of Georgia Residents Overdose On Fake Percocets

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“Percocet, Molly, Percocet… That song is the devil”

Said 39 year old grandmother of a dead Macon, Ga teen, in a 48hr period dozens of people have been hospitalized and found dead after a string of bad pills hit the streets.  Many speculate the pill Percocet to be the blame, this substance became popular in the streets after a Atlanta based rapper by the name of Future dropped a hit single praising the drug. Image result for georgia drug overdose

“Fake perks and Future… He basically turned people into junkies”

We use to pick on crack heads, now these people are out here trying to be one, said Officer Jerrico Williams.  The DEA has been keeping a close eye on the in Atlanta based rapper and believe he is root of the problem.

Tristan Thompson Blames Half-Time Sex With Khole Kardashian For Game 3 Loss

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“Lamar Odom had to die and come back to get her to leave”

Tristan Thompson finally came to his senses after realizing girlfriend Khole Kardashian ass was no more than an air filled optical allusion….. It is the devil,  Thompson went on to say that he realized she was crazy when she text his phone 33 times during half time asking why the chick on the second row was wearing his jersey.

“It’s either the team or her”

JR. Smith along with a host of teammates were right as Tristan’s side once he realized that Khole was out to ruin his life and the Cavs winning another tiitle

Scientist Fired After Saying Sea Lion Attacked Because She Smelled Like Canned Tuna

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“You have to wash…bad hygiene can get you killed in the wild”

Said 58 year old Marine scientist William McTeal after he watched the video over and over. Teal believes that the girls parents should take the blame for having their daughter smelling like a ship yard.  Some have lashed back at McTeal for his comments but he says he stand firm on his statement.

“It grabbed at the source of the smell”Image result for sea lion attacks girl

You can’t blame the Sea Lion for doing what it’s supposed to do, the same type of accident happened off the coast of Africa a few years ago when a female escort was attacked by a Walrus.

Ohio Teen Raped After Attempting To Carjack Van Full Of EX Cons

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“It was like booty on a platter”

Cleveland police say 18-year-old serial carjacker was arrested after attempting to carjack a van of EX cons.  Damari Wayne was charged with robbery after he called Police saying he had been rapped by the van full of men.  He had committed three armed carjackings between Feb. 11 and Feb. 21 but got his ass handled on this last attempt.

Image result for laughing cop

“stealing in jail is an automatic soap drop… same rules apply on the streets”

The teen got in the driver’s seat but was unable to operate the vehicle. That’s when police say that was when he attacked by two of the vans occupants and taken on a side street where they were ganged by for more passengers.

Madden Update Says EX Patriot Aaron Hernandez Suffers Career Ending Neck Injury

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“Gets a life sentence and finishes in three years… Now that’s a MVP move”

said EA Sports John Madden after the games makers updated the system adding Aaron Hernandez to the NFL Career ending injury list late last night.  Many of the games players were shocked when they did the new update.  A few took to twitter with expressing their feelings some saying “No way… Too soon”

“He should have went left instead he went right”Image result for john madden aaron hernandez

Many Hernandez fans are shocked that he took his life and are upset that they will never see the 27 year old put on a Pats uniform again.  You win some and you lose some but you live……. To fight another day.

 

Cops Say Mcdonalds Worker & Cold Fries Helped Them Catch Facbook Killer

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“I knew it was him when he pulled to the window, so i did the usual, Cold fries and one pack of ketchup”

Said William Walter a long time employee of McDonalds, Williams told officers that he already likes making customers life hard by messing up their orders and telling them the shake machine is down.  

I’d rather be dead than eat these cold ass fries”

Stephens went through the drive-thru at the McDonald’s on Buffalo Road in Erie, PA when one of the Williams recognized him. He ordered a 20-piece McNugget and a large fry, little did he know his fries were going to be colder than a side chick heart on valentines day.

Father Mauled To Death By Tigers After Trying To Sneak In Chinese Zoo

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When being cheap get you killed by Tigers

The victim, named only as Zhang, had tried to dodge paying for a £15 ticket by hopping over the park fence directly into the tiger pit yesterday, Chinese media reports. Accompanied by a pal, he scaled the three metre wall only to be mauled to death by the tigers.The pair were pictured on top of the barrier just moments before the bloody attack.Grieving relatives of a dad-of-two have now blasted the lax security at the Chinese zoo that allowed him climb into the enclosure with the tigers.

The second man, who was about to follow Zhang into the enclosure, held back after watching the horror unfold before him. Zhang’s wife and two children had gone through the front entrance to the Zoo in Zhejiang province, China, to buy a ticket.

He should have paid the 10 dollars

Horrific footage showed Zhang being mauled on the head and neck by the tiger as onlookers scream, Zhang, aged in his 40s, died in hospital soon after.

 

Porn Star With $1 Million Insured Dick Admits to His “Dick Being Trash”

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Have you ever thought that your sex game was so good that you could possibly kick in the door to the porn industry? Are you ready to have a cool million dollar insurance policy on your meat?

Lee previously made headlines back in 2012 when he reportedly took out a $1 million insurance policy on his junk with Lloyd’s of London, which is the same company that has policies on Bruce Springsteen’s vocal chords and David Beckham’s legs. With that much invested in his member, you’d think his bedroom game was on point, but with a career that finds him getting busy with thousands of women in his lifetime, he admits that he’s not always able to put in a marathon performance for his wife, Kate, who used to be a porn actress, too.Related image

“At home with my wife I have to apologize, I am pathetic in bed,” Lee says. “I’m like a two-minute wonder.” #Sad, especially when you realize he has been able to last for 58 minutes during a scene with four women. “I usually go from start to finish without a break, which is unusual for porn actors. But I was disappointed when I only got 58 minutes – I was working with four girls and aiming for a full hour.”

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